I Dream of Donuts

During my first pregnancy, my taste buds went through an epiphany. Certain flavors and foods were heightened and if I ate something that resonated with me (or maybe it was the baby?) I would lay awake at night wondering if I should get into the car and get it. One day it was honey mustard pretzels, the next it was Jif’s crunchy peanut butter with New Zealand honey. One night it was grilled ham and cheese sandwiches in a Kaiser bun with a kosher pickle. But there was one thing I became really fixated on: donuts.

I never was one to eat donuts because I felt deep guilt – they were deep fried, extremely caloric and just plain bad for you. My mother used to tell me a friend’s daughter worked at a donut shop and ballooned out to the size of an elephant. At an old job, a coworker who also taught aerobics said she couldn’t imagine ever eating a donut when a big pink box of them were brought in. So I just tried to stay away. But there was a little donut place in my neighborhood that I often walked by and would stand outside and stare at the array of donuts neatly lined in the window. One day during my first trimester, I bought one. It was amazing. The next day, I bought a dozen.

I ate cookies, cake and ice cream, but there was something about the donut that tasted so good. My mommy friends who had babies told me to beware of gestational diabetes, high blood sugar levels during pregnancy. Advanced age women and if you are Asian or African American were prone to it. I didn’t think I would get it – I drank tons of water and didn’t eat candy or cookies all day long, like some pregnant women I knew.  But when I took the blood test, my blood sugars were very high. So high, that my doctor told me to forgo the rest of the gestational diabetes testing and go directly to the nutrition program where you learn how to prick yourself with a needle, test blood and change your eating which was focused mainly on protein.

I was mad that no more donuts would be part of my diet during the rest of my pregnancy, but I didn’t want to harm the baby or have the baby end up having sugar issues. So I ended up eating lots of cheese and eggs — and being grumpy.

After I had my baby, I thought the donut craving would be over but all I could think about were donuts. My mother, who came to help take care of the baby, attends church every Sunday. I went to church with her the first time she visited, and joined her for coffee and donuts afterward Mass. As we waited in line, I didn’t think that much of the donuts – this was a church after all – but dropped some change into an old coffee can and bit into a French cruller. It was light, fluffy and the most delicious thing I had ever eaten. I didn’t attend church with my mother, but always requested a donut afterward. And several months after she had left, I couldn’t stop thinking about the donuts so waited for church to finish and slinked up to the donut area, bought one and left.

I’m still on the hunt for good donuts, especially gourmet ones with purple sprinkles and hot pink frosting.  However, I need to curb my addiction because now my daughter always asks what I’m eating and wants to eat it too. We limit her sugar intake and give her animal crackers, which we call cookies.

The other day I was eating a donut and she asked, “Is that a cookie?”

“No,”  I said. “It’s a donut.”

“Ohhh,” she replied, like it must be something amazing. “Donut.”

— Eunice Park